Can't You See? Your My Lifeline
by BecauseYourMine
Summary: AU 5x05 "He knows it’s a lot more complicated then that. But no matter what he thinks, it always brings him back to square one, with him here, and her there, when all he really wants is for them to be in the same place-together." LP.
1. Stuck between the Hope and Doubt

A/N: I know _the Way they Were _still doesn't have an ending, and its been months. But I'm working on it.

Really I shouldn't have been writing this considering I have a 15 page to do and finals to study for, but once I started I couldn't stop. This is AU in the sense that everything up to Season 4 happened, after that not so much...

As always any type of review/criticism is always appreciated. :-)

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**_ll _**_You're always bound to fall_

_there's nothing you can do. **ll**_

Life can suck sometimes. (Or all the time.)

She wouldn't call herself depressed, or even unhappy, she's just not _happy_, happy.

If she's being honest, she has been feeling like this for a while now.

She thinks maybe it might be because of her career-or lack of one. When she was in high school, she had such high hopes and dreams. Her belief in herself, and her art, and music was so vast and inspiring she thought (and a certain someone used to remind her) she was meant to do great things. But she's not.

Its been just over a year since she started, but she still just works in the mailroom at a small record label that half the time no one has even heard of. She deals with junior execs who don't even know a tenth of what she does, and her boss is such a arrogant jackass, it takes all her strength not to use her fist to display just how frustrating he makes her.

But really, it more then just her job.

Her lack of happiness has a lot to do with the fact that after every god damn day of work (ok, she's admitting it, she hates her job) she goes home to an empty apartment, and she deals with the fact that she's the one who chooses to have it this way. _Empty._

She knows its kind of ridiculous to think about it that way, because not too long ago she liked it that way. She spent most of her childhood alone. Without a mother (since she was eight), and with a father who was never around. She was pretty much left to own devices.

She came and went as she pleased, and never had to worry about anyone waiting up for her, because there was no one there to wait. She listened to her music loudly and frequently (pretty much all the time) because there was no one to complain about it. She had people over anytime, for whatever reason-like boys with little babies to care for-because no one was ever there to be bothered by it. And she could paint her bedroom walls red and put pictures up with flaming hearts and stoplights, or paint a huge scary bull dog because there was no one there to question her choices-or at the very least ask her why it was so important to change her room so much.

So, yeah maybe that wasn't the best setup a teenage girl could have, but she did the best with what she had.

But then things changed. _Someone_ changed things.

She knows that technically the first time they ever spoke to each other was by the river that day her car broke down, but she still considers their first encounter-that night not long before that when she nearly hit him with her car-the moment that changed it all for her.

Because after that it stopped being just her.

Somewhere along the way, he insert himself into her life, in some capacity or another.

At first, he was just a friend-or her boyfriend's half brother who knew her far better then her boyfriend ever did. He was someone, who without even trying, could see right through her, someone who-even way back then-she thought she could love. Then after being with him (does a few kisses at his dad's house before she got too scared, count as anything?), and then her best friend being with him, he became her boyfriend. Well sort of... at least long enough for her heart to be certain that she loved him.

But because of all that back and forth and a girl named Nikki, he became the boy she hated. Ok, she could never hate him but for a while she really didn't like his choices. Because he'd turned into a boy she couldn't entirely trust, no matter how much she still loved him. A boy who couldn't decided what he wanted-_who_ he wanted-and then it all seemed like it was too late.

Then some how-she still doesn't know how-after a lot of time and people in between them, (her best friend in between them) he became her friend again.

(A friend she secretly was in love with).

Well to bring it full circle, he-inevitable as all they're friends had said-turned into the boy she loved, had always loved; the guy she promised to love forever.

But given all the labels she had had for him over the years, it was understood that things hadn't been easy for them.

For a long time, she either didn't fight enough or she fought too much for things to work out, and so they didn't.

It took a lot of things to finally bring them together.

Things that were entirely out of their control, and if anthing should have been the exact reasons why they shouldn't have worked. (she wouldn't say it out loud, but she call's that fate.)

But somehow they did get it right. For the most part.

Because they maybe together now, and they both love each other completely, but she's still going home to an empty apartment every night.

And yeah she may have made it this way, she's the who left (he didn't stop her, and eventually he left too) but it doesn't change how much it hurts to be away from him. And damn does it hurt. At first she tried to convince herself that it was for all the right reasons, that they had to go out in the world so they could follow their dreams. It just so happened that those dreams were leading them in different directions. But she assumed they had to make a path for themselves, and eventually after they both got it together, it would all lead back to each other.

At least that's what she thought before everything changed.

Before she decided to stay in L.A. permanently. Before it got hectic with her work and his class and practice schedules and it made it impossible for them to have a conversation that was more then 10 minutes a day-if they ever got to speak to each other at all.

Before obligations that were pushing them from each other and missed chances to talk about what they were both feeling because neither wanted to bring up the fact that things aren't working the way they should any more.

And just so much uncertainty about what they are to each other, who they've become, and where they go from here.

Now she's starting to think that they won't ever find their way back to each other because they're both going in the wrong direction. Away from each other.

Ok so its more then the job, and its more then just the empty apartment.

Its because she's in this horrible city, and not in the town, (no matter what it's home) she wants to be living in.

It's because she's around people who are nice enough, but they're not _her people_. Not the friends who were there when she was the sad girl who sat under bridges, or let her bitch at them when she was having a bad day or who would sit and have root beer floats with her when she needed to think. The friends, who are her family too.

It's because she's not with the boy who is always on her mind even when he's thousands of miles away. The boy who saved her more times than she can count. The one she just _knows_ will always be in her heart.

Really, its because all of these reasons have added up now and its making her realize just how much she doesn't recognize herself anymore. How much things have ended up entirely different then what she had hoped for.

It might have taken her awhile to realize that-it still astonishes her that she has been living in this dreadful city for over a year already-but its become a fact of life.

She doesn't like L.A. (It's got nothing on Tree Hill).

She doesn't fit in L.A. (She knows she fits with everyone back home).

And most important, L.A. doesn't have Lucas.

So what the hell is she still doing _here_?

Right because she's meant for great things. (A certain someone might of told her that once or twice and she was so in love she believed it).

Well She's not feeling all that great, and so how can someone do great things if they don't even feel it's possible anymore?

_**ll **The weight of gravity begins_

__

to pull you down again,

So what are you to do now? **ll**

He hasn't told anybody this, but he sort of feels like he's sinking.

On the outside though no one can tell, he's made sure of it.

He's a freshmen in college and he gets A's in all his classes without really trying. He's one of the youngest assistant coaches around and his team is on their way to their division championship. He's still a dependable son, a great friend, and a good brother, and now a really awesome Uncle.

But he feels like none of those things really matter, at least not the way they're supposed to. He feels like it's just one big act that he's been pretending in for awhile. He doesn't know how it happened or why, but he's got a theory.

He just doesn't really want to admit to it.

Ok, Fine.

He knows that the only person, who after just seeing him for a moment in his new life would recognize how he feels is the one person who sort of has him feeling this way to begin with.

_Peyton._

The girl he thinks he has been in love with since at least the eighth grade. When he was certain that one day Peyton Sawyer would become Peyton Scott. The girl who he's rescued so many times simply because there's just no way he could live his life without her in it.

But right now...

Right now they sort of are living without each other. Because he's here and she's there and their not with each other like they should be.

And when he thinks this, he reminds himself for what feels like the millionth time, that this is what they chose to do. Well, no that's not true. It kind of feels like the world chose for them. Her job-which he knows she is meant to be doing-had to be across the country. And he ended up at this school (as a coach and not a player) because his brother needed him. He knows it's a lot more complicated then that, like technically it was their choices and and decisions that helped get them to where they are now.

But no matter how he thinks about it, it always brings him back to square one, with him here, and her there, when all he really wants is for them to be in the same place. together.

He knows _it's her_. And he'll wait forever if he has to. (He just wishes he didn't have to).

Because now he realizes that he wants her with him when all his dreams come true, and when he wants her with him when they don't.

But she not and that's what's killing him.

_**ll** Stuck between the hope and doubt,_

__

You get so close to clarity

makes you question Everything...** ll**

She tries to call him the night his team wins the game that will be sending them to their division championship. She had found the highlights from their playoff game online and as soon as she got off work she called to tell him how proud she was of him, and how exciting it all is, and to remind him just how much she loves him.

She got his voicemail.

She doesn't bother leaving a message. She knows that she should, that this game is a big deal to him, and she really does wants to tell him how amazing it all is.

But he's probably out celebrating with Nathan and Haley, excited and happy and living in the moment.

One of his dreams is coming true, she just really wishes she could be standing next to him when its happening. But she can't be right now, even if nothing seems more important then him and _them._

_**ll** You're so far away  
So far away from me** ll**_

He knows he was being the supportive boyfriend when he told her to take that job, (he still wonders everyday if she would of stayed if he asked her too). He will be the first to tell you that she was meant to do great things. And she is, really how could she not be?

She's smart and talented. Sarcastic and compassionate. Brave and kind. And just plain amazing. And more then that he wants her to have everything she wants. He just wishes that what she wanted didn't have to be so far away. (Or even better if all she wanted was just him.)

But there's more to it then that. Somewhere along the way things changed, and got complicated, and just really frustrating. He knew it wouldn't be easy, he just didn't expect it to be this hard. With a country between them, and her work and his school and coaching responsibilities, he knew that they were gonna have to work extra to get through.

He's not so sure if they've been working at it enough though.

_Them_ as a couple just got lost in the shuffle of growing up and responsibility and change. Somehow it stopped being them against the world and it became them trying to stay together when the world got in the way.

They can survive all this stuff though, right? All the _life_ stuff.

When he asks himself this, his heart tells him that there is no possible way that they can not make it though. They love each other and have been through so much and somehow they got through it. There's no way their story can not have a happy ending.

But his brain. Well that's telling him to just look at their history. Its not like things haven't happen to tear them apart before. It not like they haven't lost each other when things got too tough.

His brain tells him its not likes she here with him to prove his doubts wrong.

The next night when his team wins that division title, he knows its now or never. He will either prove his brain wrong and let all the doubt go. (He'd rather consider himself an idiot then lose her). Or it will go the other way.

And well, he would rather be an idiot then a heart broken idiot.

So he hops on a plane and takes a risk, with every intention that it's worth it. That she's worth it. He just hopes she feels the same way.

_**ll** Is it starting to break,_

__

Underneath my feet.

You're so far away

Am I just out of reach? **ll**

She's in the copy room, stuck doing things she would rather not be doing. She has a ton of stuff to do and the damn copier is jammed. Again. But besides all that, all she keeps thinking about is Lucas (He is sort of always on her mind) She wonders if he's wishing as much as she is if they could _just be_.

With no L.A. or label job or school or coaching in their way.

Then she get's a phone call, and it's him. She just has to smile. Maybe he was thinking of her like she was thinking of him.

"I've been trying to call you all morning. I watched the game highlights online. I wish I could have been there." She says regretting her decision to not at the very least leave a message.

"Yeah, me too. So uh, what are you wearing?" He says smirking. (She knows he is).

"Luke, I can't do that right now! I'm at work." She says shocked at his question.

"Well, I'm thinking the Pink Floyd T over the long sleeve white shirt, maybe those sexy jeans with the hole in the knee…" He says as he watches her.

"Wow, you are good." How the hell did he know that, she thinks.

"Yes, I am. Really good." He says as she turns around to see him standing there, with the grind she knew he was making throughout their call.

He looks amazing, his hair shorter then the last time she's seen him, his eyes just as sparkling blue as always. For half a second she sees the same boy that helped her by the side of the river all those years ago, but not quite. Because he looks just a little older now, in a good way though. He seems a little more filled out, confident and sure of himself, its definitely sexy-but its different. She can't really decide if that's a good or a bad thing.

" Luke! Hi! I can't believe you're here!" She's says totally stunt.

She can't believe it actually, it just doesn't feel real. That he came all the way to L.A. when his team just won their championship just to see her. Maybe all her doubt was wrong, maybe things aren't as bad at she thought. Because he's here. He came for her.

"Yeah, well since you couldn't come see me."

He doesn't say it as a accusation, but she sort of takes it that way. And her questioning about their future comes right back, even if she pushes it aside, because _he's here_. He came _for her_. That's the only thing that matters, right?

_**ll** We keep talking in circles,_

__

staring out with empty eyes.

Wanting to be known again

but so afraid of letting in.** ll**

He used to be the only the one who could read her. Who knew what she was thinking without even having to ask, but as they walk down the hall-her pushing a mail cart and him calling her on her less then demanding work- he doesn't notice just how much her words hurt her. She knows that delivering mail and taking lunch orders isn't exactly 'marketing and distribution' but doesn't he realize that she's here because of him?

Because of his belief and faith that she could make her dreams come true. Because he had told her so many times that she was meant for greatness. Well yeah, assistant to the assistant might not be the greatest, but it's a start.

"So when are you done here?" He asks as they make it to the end of the hall. He knows that this trip was a surprise and it might have been unfair to just pop up like this, especially cause it seems like her work-even if its less then what she explained-still takes up so much of her time.

"Well, we usually don't get out of here till around 9...but maybe I could get someone to cover for me. That is if you have time for me Lucas Scott?" She says coyly.

"I always have time for you." He whispers before he quickly kisses her.

"Well good."

"Good?"

"Good." She says with a wink. "Let me just make a call, ok?"

"Sure" He says as he gives her one more quick kiss, and then unbashfully checks her out as she walks away. God she's hot. And she's his.

So maybe this trip was irrational and things might still pretty uncertain with them, but being with her right now is the ultimate payoff. (It always has been). And that simple fact alone has him thinking that maybe it's not the world getting in the way, maybe it's them. Maybe they let things get complicated and it's gonna take this time together to remember just much they love each other and want to be together; even if she's here and he's not.

"If was tough, but…their letting me go by six so…" She says as she walks back to where he's standing.

Ok. Maybe it takes more then time (yes six is better then nine, but he's already counting the hours till he has to go back and they can do a lot in three hours) and hope and love. Maybe it takes a lot of work too. Understanding and patience. Compromise and commitment.

"That's Great." He comments, sounding as genuine as he can. He might have to wait, but at least their together. He'll take what he can get.

_**ll** So do I leave it all to history?_

__

Will you ever answer me ?

Do you still recognize my voice

or is it lost among the noise? **ll**

They make the most of their time together, which is not much. He might of just won a state championship-again- but he does have to get back to school by Monday, so they have a quick celebration/reunion before it's time for them to say bye again.

They spend their time during the day touring L.A. Peyton scores tickets to see NOFX at the Fox Theatre and when the band plays a certain song it brings them back to a certain day that only has them smiling and kissing just a little more then usual. They go to the Santa Monica Pier and she can only laugh when he wins her the biggest teddy bear she's ever seen by making 6 shots in a row at a basketball booth. She kisses him in thanks and he smirks when the guy running the booth says he's a natural.

Then at night, while at night when it's just the two of them back at her apartment they spend their time together wrapped up in each other. Its when they're alone and there's nothing in between them that has them both remembering why they work, and how much they love each other and why they really want _someday_ to just, get here already.

Its when she's rest her head on his chest and can only hear his heart beat that reminds her why she promised to love his forever. And when she falls asleep and she's pressed so perfectly against him that he remembers that's its her and it always will be.

But there's a problem. Neither want to admit that things are different now.

Peyton doesn't want to admit that she noticed all the not subtle hints he's thrown out there about how much he wants her to come home. And Lucas doesn't bring up the fact that every time he mentions their future-in Tree Hill, where they both belong-she never really gives him an answer.

They did make a few promises though. They both promised to keep in touch more. Whether it be by phone, text, or email, they said they would somehow find a way to be more connected then before. He told her with summer coming he would have time to come visit more. And she all but guaranteed him she would visit him too. But that was as far as their commitment went.

That Sunday as they make it to the airport, they both realize that there's still a lot they've been avoiding. And as much as they enjoyed their time together, their really back at square one.

"Ok Blondie I think this is as far as you can go without a ticket.." He says as he pulls her close to him. He really wishes that she was coming too, wouldn't it be so much easier?

"I know, I know…" She says sadly as she gives him a quick peck on the lips.

"I'm gonna miss you Coach." she says playfully. Holding on to his shirt collar in away she always does.

"You have no idea.." He sighs as he grips her hips.

"Hey, you know I love you, right?" She says with a smile he's never really seen before. Like she's trying to assure herself too.

"I would hope so, you sort of promised forever, remember?" He says as she laughs.

"Exactly. So here this is for you." She says as she pulls out a CD for her bag. "Just in case you forget."

"I don't think that's possible, because I love you just as much." He takes the CD and smiles at her writing on the cover. _Songs to make You think of Me._

"Good."

"Good?" He laughs as she winks at him.

"Yeah, Good." She whispers as she hugs him close and gives him once last kiss.

"I'll be seeing ya.." He whispers in her ear before he lets her go and makes her way through the crowd.

_**ll** You're so far away,_

__

so far away from me.

Is it starting to break

underneath my feet..** ll**

As he's flying back, he listens to the mix she made him.

The one that has music that makes her think of him on it.

That thought alone has him torn. He loves that she equates him and their love to something that means so much to her. He knows how prominent music has been in her life, how important and meaningful it is. He's always loved to watch her as she listened to any one of the countless records she owns. The way her eyes close and head bobs along, the subtle smile that forms as she listens.

But he hates that it seems that she just might love music more then him.

At least that's the way he sees it, because she's still in L.A., willing to take such big risks to make it in the industry, but she's not willing to do the same for him, with him. He knows that technically he's never asked to.

They may have made promises to each other. When things were like before, and it was late nights at the river court and last minute road trips they would throw around words like forever and always and someday. But even though he meant them, and she meant them (he thinks she did), it was never official, it was never definite. There were no rings, or proposals, or weddings. Just Words.

Things are different now. They've changed and their circumstances aren't what they were, and nothing seems that easy anymore. He still means it all, he's just not so sure if that's means much now.

He's halfway through the CD, but can't finish listening to it. However much each song might feel like it was written for them, about them, he can't get the thought out of his head, that just maybe it doesn't matter what the lyrics and melodies are, or how amazing a riff might sound or how each chord progression is even more powerful then the last.

Because music is what's keeping her away. It's keeping them apart. At least that's what he tells him self.

It's a lot easier to believe, then thinking she is keeping herself in L.A. because he's not reason enough to come back.

_**ll** You're so far away,_

_ so far away from me **ll**_

As she drove to work (yes its Sunday but she spent two days with her boyfriend and now has to play catch up) after dropping off Lucas at the airport all she kept thinking was it wasn't as hard saying goodbye this time then it was the time before last, even less then the time before that.

Of course she knew she would miss him, but with summer only a few months away he would have time to visit more so it wasn't nearly as bad letting go because the prospect of reuniting was so soon, but still. It didn't feel like before. Like her heart was so filled for love for him that it took everything in her to say bye.

She's not sure if that fact is a good or bad thing. Is its because they're mature and secure in their relationship saying goodbye doesn't feel as bad, or because she just feels less?

By the time she got to the office she still wasn't really sure which one it was.

_**ll **While the world unravels,_

__

we're kicking at shadows

and everyone around us

is making up chaos.. **ll**

When he gets home and he tells his brother and best friend where he went and who he went to see-it really doesn't surprise the couple-they half expect him to tell them that he's engaged to that girl, or better yet that that girl is coming home.

The couple know that its inevitable.

Those blondes have been living in a fairytale since the first time he rescued her by the river from car trouble. Of course they had gone through worse things along the way, things like shootings and stalkers. Death and loss. Things less intense, but real all the same. Love triangles and bad choices. Misunderstandings and near chances.

But if you asked Nathan and Haley, they had made it to the other side. Happily ever after nearly in reach.

Too bad Lucas doesn't say anything like that.

Instead of proposals or promises of reassurance, he says that they had a great few days together (which they did), and although it might still suck that they're apart, they are still as happy (most of the time) and in love as they have always been.

He doesn't mention that things might be different now. How things between them just felt off and forced and like it was too hard.

He tells the couple that he and his girl just need a little more time to chase their dreams and they're doing what they think is best, which is staying together-or as much as two people can be together when a country is literally separating them.

Neither his best friend or brother bring up the fact that he's an idiot for thinking its that simple.

Because the two know, that those two blondes can't really be happy, when they are still thousands of miles apart of each other.

That it's impossible for them to be chasing their dreams, when they're both chasing after the wrong things and not each other. And if they both don't realize it soon it might be too late to fix.

Because really, the only thing left standing in the way, is themselves.

_**ll** oh, I cannot find you._

__

I'm walking like I'm blinded

am I saying anything at all?** ll**

They start to work a little harder. Sort of. They both start putting more of an effort to talk at least once a day, even if its not for long. They start sending more emails and silly texts and never let each other forget how much they love the other.

But the work doesn't mean much because they aren't being honest with each other.

Because ever time she tells him she has to get back to work is another reason for him to hate her job a little more. And every time he tells her about his day and the cute things Jamie did and how beautiful Gilmore is in the Spring, she wishes she could be with him and then reminds herself why she's not. (It always comes back to his words, doesn't it?)

It's like their in limbo. Neither of them want to give up but they don't want to get hurt either. They don't really know where that leaves them.

A week before his classes let out for the summer and two weeks before his planned trip to L.A, He get's a call one day that he really never thought he'd get. It's his book, its being published.

And after the initial shock wears off and he's done talking to an editor, who is more then certain that his novel is nothing short then amazing, he knows the one person he wants to call first. The girl who had sent out his novel in the first place. The girl that the book was written about. The one he had promise he would love forever.

When he calls her to tell her, he gets her voicemail.

_Congratulations. You Reached Peyton Sawyer._

It takes ever bit of ounce of patience not to get upset by that message. All he really wants is to share this with her, because she's really the only one who understands what it means. And the fact that she's not, not even on the phone, makes it really easy to not only resent and just plain despise her job (more then he already does), but her too.

Because she should be with him and not in L.A. She should be there to throw her arms around him and tell him how amazing this is. She should be, but she's not.

So then, does it even matter then?

With her not with him to experience it, is just feels a little less then what it should. He wonders what it might be like, if she wasn't a part of the equation. If they weren't together. Could he actually enjoy the moment if he didn't have to be missing her?

And even though a year ago he wouldn't even have fathom such a thought, now he's really starting to wonder, if he's here alone anyways, why are they fighting so hard to keep it together, when they're not really together anymore?

_**ll** You're so far away  
so far away from me** ll**_

He finally reaches her two days later.

"Hey! I'm sorry, I know we promised to talk everyday, but things have been really crazy around here and-" She says rushed trying to explain to him that things have been so crazy because she doesn't work in the mail room anymore. She got a promotion and great things are happening (didn't he always say they would?) and she just wants to share it with him.

"Yeah well I can't really blame you, things have been really crazy here too and there's so much I've got to tell you." He throws in before she'd finish.

"Oh yeah? Well first let me just tell you, I got a promotion!" She says cheery.

"Wow, Peyton that's great. Wow..." He says not that enthusiastic. Really he can barley choke out the words. Because it's not great. Of course it's amazing that she's doing good, but that doesn't mean they're doing good. Cause this promotion is all but assuring him that they don't have a future. Cause she's there and he's here.

It kind of feels like they finally got to their breaking point.

"You don't sound like it's wow…" She says with a hint of accusation in her tone.

"What do you want me to say? That I'm happy that this means you won't be leaving L.A. anytime soon? That I'm glad I don't fit into your life anymore?" He says it, but he doesn't really mean it. Because he is really, really proud of her, but this just really sucks.

"Well, Thanks for the understanding." She says just above a whisper, knowing he hates it when she stays so calm when they argue.

"You know Lucas, I can't believe you…you're the one who told me that I was meant for greatness, you all but pushed to come her and told me over and over again that it would happen. And what now, you never thought it would actually happened?"

"I never said that!" He also hates when she turns his words against him.

"Listen ok, I'm just really tired of us being a part and I just thought that eventually you would figure out that you don't belong in L.A. and you would just come home.." He says pleading with her to understand his side.

"And so what you hoped I fail so I could back to Tree Hill and that would be that?" She can't believe it. All this time, all his words and promises.

"Of course I don't want you to fail. But come on Peyton you've worked in the mailroom for the last year. You produced two albums and booked so many bands right here in Tree Hill, is it so wrong of me to think that you could be doing more here?" He tries to explain.

"Ok, I know that Tree Hill is home to you, and I miss it sometimes, I do. But for me…Tree Hill is two dead moms, and a psycho stalker, and some really painful memories. You can't expect me to just be willing to jump on a plane and go back to a place where I've been hurt so many times.."

"Even if I'm here?" He questions.

"You know I think your being unreasonable right now. How do you expect me to just pack up and go back when I just told you that I got this big promotion and my career is finally going somewhere?"

She knows she's being stubborn, but nowhere did she hear him making any promises to consider. Why go back if they won't make it? It might make her a coward for not taking the chance, but can you blame her? They've been slowly growing a part and it's only been a year, how will they make it till forever?

It kills him that she doesn't even answer his question.

"So what are we doing then, Peyton? If your there, and I'm here. What are we doing?" He hopes she has a better answer then he does.

"I don't know. Maybe this-you and me-maybe we just need to take a break…" She says with tears in her eyes. She doesn't want a break but she knows they just can't take back all that's been said and all they've let go unsaid.

"Is that really what you want?" He asks, his voice breaking with remorse. He knows for damn sure that he doesn't want that, but he also knows you can't make someone love you as much as you love them if they don't want to.

"Luke, you know that I love you..." She says it in a shaky tone, but he knows it doesn't change what's just happened.

"By the way. My novel is being published… Good luck with the job. I guess we finally got what we always wanted." He says before he hangs up.

But no, she didn't get what she wanted. Because all she has ever really wanted is him.

_**ll** Is it starting to break  
underneath my feet? **ll**_

Life can suck sometimes. (Or all the time.)

Somewhere between trying to focus on school and his family and losing the love of his life-even if he won't admit that she is, because then that would mean he's made such a huge mistake by letting her go-he starts to write another novel. He's half way done before he realizes it's about _her_. Or at least what he feels now that they're not together. It's about a boy and the sky. About a boy who spends his entire life waiting for something that would never comes back to him.

_"It was more than just a comet because of what it brought to his life: direction, beauty, meaning. There are many who couldn't understand, and sometimes he walked among them. But even in his darkest hours, he knew in his heart that someday it would return to him, and his world would be whole again... And his belief in God and love and art would be re-awakened in his heart."_

When he's nearly done he thinks it's time to get someone's opinion on his work, it might be complete garbage, and he's too blind to realize, because even if he didn't realize it-this is about _her_ and he never could think straight when it came to her. After their break up-something that still feels so real and raw-things got a little dark. His whole act of pretending just stopped, because he just stopped caring.

His grades started to slip and luckily basketball season had ended because he didn't care much about plays and strategies. He stopped making an effort with everyone and everything, and he focused in on what he had lost and tried to figure out how it happened. Somehow all that thinking (and drinking, a lot of drinking actually) turned into a story about a boy and the sky, but really it's about a boy who loves a girl. About a boy who loses the girl.

When he shows the pages to Haley-she was his first editor after all-she doesn't come out and say what they're both thinking. That this book, like the one before, is about a girl who they both thought would be Peyton Scott one day.

"Oh, buddy." Haley whispers as she hugs him.

"Haley.." He says shaking his head. He doesn't want to talk about it. He knows that she knows what he's written is what he's feeling. So he doesn't want to talk about.

"Right." She says with a half hearted smile. "Come on, were calling Nathan. You guys can get drunk or something."

Lucas can only laugh. Haley's his best friend, of course she doesn't condemn him drinking away his problems, but right now that might bring him the only relief. They don't call Nathan though, instead they still in silence and both wonder about all the 'what ifs?'

"I miss her Hales.." He barley lets out. He doesn't have to say who _her_ is. They both know.

"I know, I know…" She says as she rest her head on her shoulder.

He doesn't know what he's gonna do. It was hard living with her, but its so much harder living without her.

Why didn't he realize that before?

_**ll** Is it set in stone_

_could someone tell me please?_

_Am I all alone?_

_Am I just out of reach? **ll**_

-.-.-..-.-.-.-.-.-.

**TBC...**

Song: "Out of Reach" By: Matthew Perryman Jones


	2. It's still me I never changed

A/N: I've gotten about a page done for my 15 page final, but I just had to finish this, so a Examination of U.S. International Relations is gonna have to wait.

I'm still not sure if there will be a 3rd part to this, but if there is it will be after I finish _The Way They Were._

*The awesome reviews for part 1 had me writing part II so fast, just something to keep in mind. :-)

-.-.-.-.-.-

_**ll** I've run out complicated theories,  
so now I'm taking back my words.. **ll**_

She was having a really shitty day. She didn't hear her alarm that morning and slept in. She didn't have time to grab her morning coffee and instead of feeling refreshed because she slept so late, she was dragging herself to get going. Then by the time she did get to the office she got chewed out by her boss for being late and then yelled at to not forget the meeting they had later that afternoon.

None of that was too bad though. The worse hit her when she was filing papers and noticed the date on the calendar.

This day was important.

It was an anniversary she really wished she didn't remember, for obvious reasons. A scar on her left calf and the memories of what happened that day, and what was lost, wouldn't let her forget.

She really wishes she could call someone, someone who was there and who understands what this day means.

Of course there is one person she wishes she could call everyday; but that's not happening. She won't let herself call him, today or any day. She won't call him because after that phone call almost six months ago, that conversation pretty much ended everything.

In the beginning it was really easy to be hurt and angry, because the things he said to her (she hopes he really didn't mean it, because she didn't) made it easy to feel like they did need to end things. Because they weren't the same people anymore, and things were different now, and so much had changed.

It wasn't until a month later when she was cleaning her apartment and she found the ticket stubs from that NOFX concert they had gone to that last time he visited that had her finally having a breakdown about what had happened. Because she realized it didn't matter if they weren't the same people anymore. It didn't matter if she lived here and he lived there. None of it mattered. Because she realized she was pretty sure that she would love him anyway he was. (She made a promise to live him forever, remember?)

Even after all the hurtful things he said (she knows part of it was true) she still loves him. And as crazy as it sounds, that kind of the reason she's still in L.A. Because he told her that she was meant for great things. And he told her he would love her forever. That it would always be her.

While if she proved him right with the first part (she was working her ass off to do great things) then maybe he would prove her right with the rest.

So she's still here, and he was still there, and right now that's the way it is. She's just really hoping it won't always be.

Regardless of her logic, as of right now at least, she wouldn't be calling Lucas on this day (even though she hopes he's ok because he's probably the one who lost the most because of that day). And since everything that happened between them, she's sort of been distancing herself-from everyone else.

Well, her and Brooke have been distant for awhile really. Ever since her best friend (can't she still call her that if they haven't talked in almost a year?) moved to New York to take over the fashion world that haven't really been contact. And she knows Brooke's not the only one to blame. She knows the phone works both ways, and she also knows she's been a suck friend for not calling. But she also knows that Brooke might be the one person who knows her better then anyone-expect of course a certain boy. And Peyton knows if she calls Brooke, it wont take long for Brooke to tell her what an idiot she's being about not just trying to work things out with a certain boy.

And its too hard to talk to Haley, because well she's _his_ best friend. And even though Haley never said it, how could she not take his side? And then Nathan's his brother, and even though technically she's known him longer (you gotta love their history, don't you?) and she knows he'll never intentionally be bias, he just cant, not be.

Because Nathan believed just as much as she did, that one day they would be more then friends, one day they would be family too. That one day they would have the same last name, and her first born son would have Nathan as a middle name like Nathan's son had his brother's for his.

But that's not happening anymore.

So instead of having someone to call she pushes it all aside, and pretends it's just a normal day. Well her normal days suck as it is, and later that day when she goes to that meeting with her boss, it only gets worse.

She pays attention enough to hear him say things like it being so tough because of the bad economy, and that the slumping record sales are because everyone buys digital now of days.

Whatever the reason, the label folded.

She's out of a job.

**_ll_**_ I'm preparing for the breakdown _**_ ll_**

He hasn't shown anyone-other then Haley-his new novel. It's been finished for a month and he hasn't even mentioned it to his editor. David's a good guy and all, but Lucas doesn't think he'll understand all the underlining metaphors about love and destiny and loss when its in a story about a boy and a comet.

But its more then that.

He just isn't ready to admit to anyone-other then Haley, who hasn't brought it up since that first day he showed it to her-that this novel, like the last one, is about Peyton and the fact that he still (will always) love her.

Even though he doesn't say it out loud-he still loves her, but the likelihood that she loves him? That's the part he's not so sure about. Because it's been close to six months since they broke up and they haven't even talked to each other.

He's thought about calling her, a lot. (Always).

Especially on certain days. Like on a certain anniversary that he knows she always struggles with (It took everything in him not to just pick up the phone and check in with her). But he knows that after the last time they talked she probably doesn't want to hear from him. Because he'll be the first to admit that what happened was entirely his fault. Because he wasn't patient and understanding. And he said things he really didn't mean and so he went and hurt them both.

Actually he thinks he was a total dick. Expecting her to just give up on all her plans and dreams because he was too insecure that he couldn't be without her? Forcing her to chose when really he hadn't proven to her he should be the only choice. What the hell was he thinking?

So even though he doesn't want to admit that he still loves her to anyone (they all know he does), he knows that it's true. And once he let himself be ok with that fact, things got a little easier. Sort of.

Once he resigned himself to the fact that he loved her (would always love her) it was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and it's didn't hurt as much anymore.

And after the pain stopped feeling so bad, he started to pretend again. That he was ok without her, and that he fine to be on his own, and just maybe he was happy that things had turned out the way that they did.

Of course he's not ok, or fine, or happy but he fakes it and when everyone starts to believe him he thinks he's chosen the wrong profession. He should have been an actor instead, because sometimes he even has himself believing that he's ok and fine and happy.

_**ll** Your things have lost the smell of you,_

_and the bathroom's still a mess... **ll**_

She goes home that night and she has no idea what to do. The only reason she was in this damn city was because of that job, and now that it's gone, she doesn't know what to do. It probably wouldn't be too hard to find another position at one of the major labels, but most likely if she did land a spot, she would be starting all over again.

Back in the mailroom. And damn it she just got out of there, and she really doesn't want to go back. And then she thinks back to what he told her the last time they talked. (Doesn't it always come back to his words?)

'_Come on Peyton you've worked in the mailroom for the last year. You produced two albums and booked so many bands right here in Tree Hill, is it so wrong of me to think that you could be doing more here?'_

He's right. (It seems every time she thinks back to that last call she finds another reason).

She could be doing more back in Tree Hill.

She doesn't have to stay in L.A. to do great things.

And he's _there_.

So what the hell is she still doing _here_?

**_ll_**_ Remind me why we decided this was for the best? _**_ ll_**

He starts to split his time between home and New York. And he hates every second of it. Because New York is too big and it's loud and too crowded. But really, his animosity could possibly have something to do with the fact that it reminds him of L.A. too much. And he hates L.A. (Can you blame him?)

But he goes every other week and pretends some more, because big things are happening. His novel is getting published, and what he's learned in the past few months since finding out it's gonna get published is that it's a very long process.

Although he thought that his novel was nearly perfect (how could it not be, he wrote about her..) he's constantly being ask to change and revise things. For the most part it's the same story, apparently it just needed a "little tweaking".

So he splits his time between home and New York, and he argues with his editor about little things that he tells Lucas he's got to change, but Lucas won't budge on.

Like apparently, the Peyton Sawyer in the book is a little too tragic. (If his editor only knew what happened after the book ends).

While Lucas fights back and says that's what really happened. All of it. And in case David hasn't gotten it, the Lucas in the book always, always saved Peyton and she saved him right back. That's why it's always him and her. That why the novel has the happy ending.

He really wishes he can say the same thing about the real Lucas, though. Because he didn't save her this last time, he pushed her away. And now both of them are lost.

Eventually his editor concedes and they move on to other topics, but he says that the Lucas in the book must of really loved that girl if he really did all those things.

Lucas just nods his head in recognition. If David only knew.

_**ll ** Because I miss you love,_

_I miss you love.. **ll**_

She knows that going home is insane, they haven't even talked to each other in six months, but all she keeps thinking about was their last conversation and the last words he spoke to her. (It always comes back to his words, doesn't it?)

_I guess we finally got what we always wanted._

That-_those word_s-have been bothering her for six months. Because she never got to tell him, that all she's ever wanted, since the beginning-before L.A. and broken promises and mistakes and broken hearts-all she has ever wanted is him.

So she packs up her apartment-that really wasn't much to pack (maybe she's always known that L.A. was only temporary) and then she has everything sent ahead to her Dad' place back in Tree Hill.

She knows he won't mind, he's out on a job and really she doesn't expect to keep her things there for that long anyways. She'll figure it all out when she gets there. And yeah there's a lot to figure, like finding a job and a place to live, but none of that matters right now, because she finally has the most important part figured out.

Because she's going home. She's going back for him.

And yeah they haven't spoken in 6 months, but it's always gonna be there. _Lucas&Peyton_. True Love Always.

It's taken a long time to realize that, but it's the only thing she knows for sure. Hopefully he still knows it too.

_**ll** I Miss You Love, _

_I Miss You... ** ll**_

He's stuck in New York for the night-He really does hate this town.

His meetings ran later then expected and then his editor said they should go out and celebrate that his novel was nearly finished and even though he didn't want to he knew it was important to go. (He fakes being ok, remember?)

So they go to this little bar down the street from the publisher's building and they drink to the success of his book. But after that first drink, David gets a call and apparently there is some emergency back at the office with another author so he says his apologies and then it's just Lucas sitting in some bar he's never been to, in a town he despises, with only alcohol to keep him company. Bad combination.

He has a few more drinks and he keeps to himself, but then someone-someone he really wants to punch-starts a jukebox that he didn't even realize was there and pick's a song that his him flashing back to a concert at Fox Theatre and even further back to that day by the river when he first spoke to her.

_That's Me Inside Your Head_

As much as he wants to punch that guy for making him remember, Lucas wishes someone would punch him because he's responsible for the fact that he's not with that girl anymore.

He doesn't want to hear anymore or think or feel, so he pays the bill and walks out the door and is still so upset that he doesn't watch where he's going and he bumps right into someone.

"Oh, I'm sorry.." He says not looking up to see who he hit.

"Well, well…Lucas Scott." The raspy voice says.

And Lucas knows that voice. He remembers that voice, he doesn't have to look up to know who it is.

**_ll _**_ I know the distance is a factor _**_ ll_**

She decides to splurge and take a plane (she's counting her pennies she's unemployed after all) because there's no way she can take having to drive all the way to Tree Hill. She's never really realized just how far they are from each other-three thousand miles-and she's only glad she realizes it now as she's about to go home then two years ago when she first left.

She doesn't tell anyone she's coming, because honestly she's not sure what she's gonna do when she gets there.

She's got no job or real career skills. She's hasn't told her Dad about her plans, but she knows he won't have a problem if she stays at home for a while. But eventually she'll have to find something more permanent.

All she knows is one thing for sure. She's gonna do everything she can to get back the one person-the one reason-she's going home for. Lucas.

She's not sure how, but she knows why. And that reason is enough that she's doing this in the first place. It's enough that she'll figure out the rest, hopefully with him by her side.

_**ll ** But I stretch as often as I can.. **ll** _

New York isn't as bad anymore. Not when you've got someone there. And Lucas does, so that makes his trips just a little easier.

In the past few weeks, he's realized a couple things.

First, he was right. Brooke Davis is changing the world, and she doesn't even know it. Everyone might see her as this fashionista who at twenty has build a milti-million dollar label, but she's a lot more then that. She's still the sweet, kind, caring girl he's always knew she was.

Since their first accidental meeting that night outside the bar, they've talked more to each other then in the last two years she's been gone. And he realizes he missed it, he missed her.

Every time he's had to come back to this city, they always make time to see each other. Whether it be for a quick cup of coffee or a nice dinner at some fancy restaurant she's dragging him too. They catch each other up on what's been going on in their lives, with her empire and the fact that her mother has stepped in to help, and with his novel and school and basketball.

She tears up when she see's a picture of Jamie, and promises that she'll call Haley and Nathan soon. Lucas isn't surprised when she does the very next day.

Apparently-after meeting Victoria, he's not too surprised-Brooke's not to happy with what her life's become. She says she misses home and misses everyone and has been missing it for a while.

Lucas tells her then maybe she doesn't belong in New York, maybe she should come home, and when she says that just maybe he's right-he wishes it would have been this easy with another girl he tried to convince to come home.

_**ll** My goal is to reach your hands any day now... **ll**_

While she's waiting for the plane to land, she knows that she made the right decision by flying because though the flight took only a few hours, it was nearly impossible to sit through it knowing that she was here and he was there, and she couldn't wait for them to get to be at the same place-together-home.

Because the way she sees it, its been longer then six months, its been two years since she left that summer after high school, and she doesn't want to have to wait anymore then that.

When the plane finally does land, she wishes she would've let someone know she was coming because it is until she's at baggage claim that she realizes there's no one there to pick her up.

So she wastes more time waiting at the taxi station until one pulls up to her, and then she's mumbling her address to the guy and rushing to throw her bags in the back seat.

When she gets to her Dad's place and leaves her things inside, she goes to the garage with her keys in hand, rushing to start up that old car of hers. And sitting in the drivers seat takes her back. Back to when it was him and her and road trips to concerts they never got to see and drives on river road just because they could. Sitting in that car reminds her (she doesn't think she needs anymore reminders) that there's just no way getting around it.

She's gonna love Lucas Scott forever.

And remembering that has her driving as fast as she can (within speed limits of course) towards his house.

When she drives up and gets to the door-the front one, because she's too nervous to knock on his side door, I mean he could answer then they would be standing in his room, and that brings back a memory when she did something very similar to this and that really didn't go how she had planned it, so-but after a few knocks she assumes that he's not home.

So she gets back in her car and drives to his Mom's café, because its very likely that he's there helping his Mom with the lunch rush like he used to do. And that's gotta make Peyton smile. Because that's just the kind of guy, her guy is. Of course he would be there helping his mother.

_**ll ** Please don't blame me for trying,_

_ to fix this one last time **ll**_

But then she drives up and there is paper covering the window and a 'closed' sign taped to the front door, and all this has her panicking a bit. A lot actually. He's not at his house and his mom's café is apparently closed, like permanently. Where the hell is everybody?

She tries to stop her mind from wandering about all the possible what if's, but really they haven't spoken in 6 months! Who knows what could have happened since then.

Before she has a complete breakdown right there on the street, she stops herself and thinks of all the places he still might be here in Tree Hill. He could be at Nathan and Haley's or the gym or that book store down the street, or…

She almost has to laugh at herself for being so dramatic, because she's just remembered the one place he's probably at, is the last place she's even thought of.

The River Court.

When she does finally get to that old court, that's when she thinks her worrying is justified. He's not here.

She still parks her car and walks out, hoping that he'll show eventually. Because he has too, she's here and he has to be too.

So she gets out and she sits on those benches just like she used to do when they were together, or even when they weren't. When she would sit for hours drawing or reading or just watching him as he played. She sits and waits, and as the sun begins to go down, she sort of feels like her hope is too.

When the sun's finally all the way gone from the sky and the chill of the evening starts to become to cold for comfort, she thinks maybe it's time to call it day. So she gets up, but before she goes she walks over and looks down to see her name, and his, and all of their friends, still on the asphalt-faded and worn and almost gone-but its still there.

Maybe that's a sign. She's not sure what it's telling her, but she thinks it means something that after years of sun and the constant playing that happens here, all of their names are still here.

And in that moment, that's when she hears the dribbling of a basketball come from behind her and she freezes. Finally. Just when she was ready to give up again, he's here to remind her not to.

The dribbling stops and she half expects it, he's probably just as surprise as she is that she's actually come back.

She turns around, but its not him.

"Sawyer? Oh my god.. It is you!" Nathan says as he forgets all about his game and drops his ball to the grass and all but knocks her down from the hug he wraps her in.

"Nathan Scott." She says in a hushed tone, hugging him back just as tight as he is her.

This may not be the Scott she was looking for, but its good to see him all the same. Seeing him makes her smile. A smile that she hasn't worn in more then six months, more like two years. Since the last time she was home, around the people she loved and cared about and who loved and cared about her.

"Wait till Haley sees you, she's gonna flip." He laughs as he loosens his grip.

"Well I can't wait to see her too, and baby James, well he's not much of a baby anymore is he?" She says regrettably. She might be home now, but she knows she's missed a lot and that's something she can't take back.

"No, but you should see him he's like the coolest kid ever, well you know it was inevitable that my kid would be cool…" He smirks as she laughs.

"Nathan Scott always so modest." She says sarcastically and with a shake of her head. She didn't realized how much she's missed him, but she did. A lot. His forthright comments and sarcasm and his ability to always put a smile on her face, no matter what the circumstances.

"Come on Sawyer I know you missed me, admit it." He says as they walk over to the benches to sit.

"I don't know what I did without you for so long Nate.." She says as she nudges his shoulder.

"Right, but you know I have every right to be pissed with you." He says seriously.

"Excuse Me?" She says taken back by his sudden change in demeanor.

"You and my jackass of a brother decide to break up, which by the way I think is so stupid and I told him so... But either way you break up with him, and none of us have heard from you since. That's a shitty thing to do, you know?" He says hurt by the fact that not only had Lucas lost her, but he sort of made everyone lose her too.

"Nate… I'm sorry ok, but everything got so hard and complicated, I just didn't handle it well..." When she stopped calling she did it because it hurt too much to talk to anyone who had been around her when she was with him, she never really thought she was hurting anyone else too.

"Yeah, well he didn't really handle it either. Things got pretty dark for a while and I was really considering how the hell me and Haley could come up with a way to get you two back together.." He says it laughing, but she knows it's true.

"Wow, Nathan Scott, master manipulator."

"Well, you two didn't give me much of choice.."

"Right. Well I'm here now, does that count for anything?" She says smiling at him.

"Yeah, Sawyer. It counts for everything." He says as he wraps his arm around her shoulder.

That right there, that's the reason why he considers her one of his best friends. Because she's always willing to admit when she's made a mistake, but more then that she's always willing to fix it. And he thinks her coming home is the best way.

"Nate, where is he?" She finally asks.

"Who?" He says laughing as she looks over at him, clearly annoyed that he's joking around with her.

"Nathan Scott.." She says it in a way that has him flashing back to their freshmen year when they were together and she would scowled at him whenever he pissed her off.

"He's in New York."

"New York?" She knows it's been 6 months, but how the hell did he end up all the way in New York?

"Yeah, he spends most of his free time up there finishing up the revisions of his novel." Nathan doesn't fail to notice the flash of disappointment that crosses over his friend's face.

"Oh.."

"I talked to him last night, we didn't talk for long he was at dinner with Brooke and-"

"Brooke?" She doesn't let him finish explaining before she's cutting him off with another question.

Brooke? As in Brooke Davis? Her best friend-or the girl who used to be her best friend, because they haven't spoken since she left Peyton in L.A. for New York-that Brooke?

Then she thinks about it, and of course he's with Brooke. Didn't it always end up that way? Whenever things happened between them and things got tough and complicated there was always Brooke there, getting in between them.

"Yeah, Brooke…. Peyton-" Nathan starts out, but he gets interrupted again.

"Nate I gotta go.." She says standing quickly and walking back to her car.

She can't believe this. Well she can because its happened before, so really she should have expected it. Yes, it's been six months-but in the last six months of being without him, she finally understood that she couldn't be without him, that it would always be him and her.

Well, apparently he didn't feel the same way. Because he's in New York with Brooke.

"Peyton! Wait, hold on. _Peyton_!" Nathan yelled at her as she keeps walking, throwing her arm up to wave him off.

He sees her drive off and he can only shake his head.

Damn her and her stubbornness he thinks. She never did let him get in a word when they would argue back in high school. Even when he was right. This time, when she cut him off before he got the chance to explain and make her understand, it's no different.

_**ll ** I have a hard time as it is.. **ll**_

There's another thing Lucas has figured out since running into Brooke.

And its that Brooke Davis might be the only person who knows Peyton just as well as he does.

And that helps, a lot. Because when he explains what happened (he was shock to find out the two best friends haven't spoken in so long) she's the only person who tells him not to give up.

She's the only one who believes, just as much as him, that no matter the time or distance or space, there will always be a connection between the two blondes. Even when neither are willing to admit it.

She tells him that her and Peyton might have lost touch-something she feels really bad about-but she still considers her, her best friend.

She says _their_ girl might of closed herself off but that doesn't mean she doesn't love him.

The way she explains it, "That girl has loved you when you were the nerdy guy who read under the tree at lunch and she still loves you now as your about to publish your own book.'

Well when Brooke puts it that way, he really thinks she might be right.

The night before at dinner-she's always dragging him to places she knows he hates-somehow, like always, the subject turned to that blonde girl in L.A. and how much Brooke thinks he's an idiot for not calling her.

"So have you talked to her?" She asks as the waiter brings over another bottle of wine. Now Lucas gets why she loves these places, because everyone doesn't want to disappoint Brooke Davis, fashion designer, and she pretty much gets everything she wants.

"Have you?" Lucas asks right back.

They've talked about that too. Why Brooke hasn't keep in touch with Peyton. The way Brooke explained it, she wasn't much of a friend to her-especially Senior year-and maybe it was for the best that the two drifted apart like they did.

Lucas doesn't really buy that explanation though. He thinks she is just as scared as he is that maybe Peyton doesn't want them in her life anymore.

"Hey, I'm not the one who considers her the love of my life, so don't start with me…" She says waving him off.

"Besides what are you waiting for Broody? It's been months. You love her. And I don't have to talk to her to know that she loves you." She says with certainty.

"Yeah but maybe it's not that easy Brooke. I mean we said things, and we let everything come between us. It's not that easy." He says shaking his head.

"No its not easy, but its not impossible either. Luke, come on. You've written two whole books about how much you love her!" She says as he looks at her questioningly.

"Haley told me. And we both think and Nathan does too-that the only thing getting in your way is you.." Brooke says it and means it.

Because she might of come between the two blondes back in high school, but she knows now that was a mistake. Because it's Lucas and Peyton.

It was _always_ Lucas and Peyton.

And its really starting to piss her off that they're the only two who don't realize that.

_**ll** Because I miss you love_

_ I miss you love **ll**_

She doesn't know what she's gonna do. She's got no job or apartment or reason to be here. And as she drives around streets and roads she's driven through all her life, things don't get any clearer. This doesn't feel like home anymore-mostly because he's not here-and she's got no one and nothing (that's not true, there's Nathan and Haley, but that's not what she means) telling her to stay.

As she keeps driving aimlessly and with no purpose other to forget-everything, she keeps thinking about the same thing over and over again. What has been her life long mantra.

_People Always Leave._

She left.

_But..._ she came back.

Maybe just a little too late though.

When she finally drives to her Dad's place, she has to let out a bitter laugh. All her things have arrived, waiting to be unpacked and sorted or looked through or something… But seriously, what the hell was she thinking?

In the course of a week she lost her job, admitted to herself that she was in love with a boy that not but six months ago she thought didn't love her enough to understand, and then just decided to pack up everything she owned and move home to be with him.

She had expected him to be waiting for her. She thought he would tell her that they had made a mistake and that their love meant so much and that he needed her.

Of course in hindsight she knows it all sounds completely crazy-down right ridiculous actually-but it was supposed to be Him and Her. It was always supposed to be there.

Well she's here now, but he's there. In New York. With Brooke.

That night as she tries with no luck to fall asleep she looks at her closet door. It's still there (he carved it so it would always be there).

_Lucas&Peyton. True Love Always_.

But looking at that has her remembering what used to be on that door. When it was her name on one side and Brooke's on the other. More specifically, the fact that Lucas' name was not under hers, but Brooke's.

_**ll ** I Miss You Love,_

_ I miss You... **ll**_

He gets back from New York and he starts to think about what Brooke told him. And yes its not easy and he's-they've-made a lot of mistakes but maybe she's right. Nothing is stopping him from picking up the phone.

Because even though he used to think that L.A. and music and her career was more important to her then him, he knows now that that's not true. That just because she had a dream, it didn't mean that she stopped loving him, and it didn't mean he stopped loving her.

And she might still be there and he's still here, but loving each other should be all that matters, right?

He finally gets up the courage to call, because it is that simple and they can work it out and because it's always gonna be there. Him and Her.

When he calls he finds out her number has been disconnected.

He doesn't know what to think. It's been six months, who knows what's happened since the last time they talked.

She could've moved.

She could've been transferred.

She could have met someone else.

All Lucas knows now is that he's still here, but now he doesn't know where she is, and that's the scary thought he's ever had.

He gets really mad at that fact and goes out and buys a bottle and all but locks himself up in his house. He's done with pretending that he's ok and fine and happy.

And before he falls asleep that night he text's Brooke.

_You Were Wrong_.

_**ll ** Don't act like you don't know me_

_ It's still me, I never changed... **ll**_

She knows that technically she doesn't have to be-Lucas is in New York-but she's been in hiding.

She still doesn't know where Karen is or when Luke will be back or anything else, because she's been ignoring Haley's calls and she didn't answer the door the two times Nathan's stopped by.

Cause she doesn't know what she's gonna do and she thinks if she talks to anyone it will only make her more confused.

Her plan of hiding out works for a few days, then it doesn't. She had just showered and gotten dressed when she walked out of her bathroom to find Nathan sitting on her bed.

"What the hell?" She jumps in surprise.

"How the hell did you get in here? Don't you think breaking into a girl's house who once had a stalker was a bad idea?" She yells as she comes at him and punches him in the arm.

"Ow! Hey, I didn't break in, I saw your neighbor outside, he remembered me when we used to date, he let me in." He says as he rubs his arm.

He forgot that her brother taught her how to fight. Maybe he taught her too much, that punch is definitely gonna leave a mark.

"Well than he's getting yelled out too." She says as she walks around her room, ignoring that Nathan is there.

"Well before you go all Mike Tyson on him too, we need to talk. Or I need to talk and you need to listen." He tells her. When she looks at him and doesn't say a word back, he knows he's got her attention.

"Lucas is in New York."

"Yeah I got that part.." She bites back.

"Well if you would have let me finished and not been _'don't talk to me because I'm badass Peyton Sawyer,_' He says as she scowled as him.

"You would have heard me say that he bumped into Brooke a few weeks back and they've been catching up with each other ever since. As Friends." He says, emphasizing the friends part, as he looks over and see's Peyton face change.

"Oh…" All this time she thought (could you blame her?) but it wasn't really that after all. _Oh_, is about the only thing she can say.

"Yeah, so if you could stop doing that brooding thing you always do when your mad, we could talk about what's really going on Sawyer.."

"And what's that?" She says as she feels the tears beginning to form.

"You love my brother. And he loves you. But your both idiots because you messed it up and now you think you can't fix it, when you really can." He says honestly, as she finally sits down next to him.

When Nathan puts it's that way, it does sound like they're being stubborn idiots.

"You think he still love me?" She asks as a tear falls. She has to ask, because really considering how things ended and how easily it was for her to jump to conclusions, it feels like maybe it is to hard and it won't work out, and they don't love each other as much as they thought they did.

"Peyton, of course he does.." He says as he pulls her into a hug.

"He's probably gonna kick my ass, but he's not leaving me much of a choice so-" He begins as she wipes away another tear.

"Brooke called Haley and Haley told me, and so I had to come here, because you've been ignoring her calls and everyone's getting confused and all any of us want is for you two to get it together already." He says winded by the explanation but with a smile on his face.

And she has to smile at that, because that's all she wants too.

"Anyways…Apparently Brooke finally convinced him to call you, and when he did, your phone was disconnected-which is because you're here, but no one knew that but me and Haley. So Luke like freaked, and is doing what you've been doing…hiding out." Nathan says as he shakes his head. These two are so much a like it's scary.

"Wait-he's here?" She asks.

"Luke? Yeah he's been home for the past few days."

"Oh.." Is her only response.

"You know Sawyer I read Luke's book, and you and him have got to stop using that word when someone tells you something major." He laughs out.

"Dude, shut up! Don't you have like a wife and son to get home to or something?" She says as they stand.

"A hot wife and a awesome son? Yes, I do." He smirks as she laughs. "So do me and everyone else a favor, Go See Him!" He shouts as he starts to walk down the stairs.

"And call Brooke! She thinks you don't want to be her friend or something.." He yells out before she hears the door close behind him.

Wow. She really has been an idiot. Because Lucas is here, and he loves her (Nathan might of said it, but she thinks the only way she'll know for sure is if she talks to Lucas himself).

And Brooke thinks she's mad at her? Well, ok she was freaking out the past few days when she thought the worse, but before that there was no way she was ever mad at her best friend. Cause yeah they might not have talked in a while, but they're always gonna be best friends.

It seems Peyton's got a lot to fix.

_**ll** I'll be here when you come back **ll**_

He spends two days at home, alone-well, with his bottle but he finished that yesterday-before he checks his phone and sees he has 12 missed calls.

Its sounds like a lot, but then he checks them and 4 are from Haley, 3 are from Brooke, 3 are from Nathan, and 2 from his Mom. He knew he didn't talk to that many people. He's thinking that Brooke probably panicked when he didn't answer and called Haley, who made Nathan call too, and when he still didn't answer, she called his mom too.

Well that's just great. He's got everyone freaking out, because he made a dumb choice to call someone who obviously doesn't want to know him anymore (for whatever reason, she changed her number and didn't bother to call him and given him the new one) and all he wanted to do it just live with the misery for a while.

He sends out a text to all four of them, so he doesn't have anymore worried calls.

_Don't worry about me. I'm fine. -Lucas_

When he doesn't get any calls back he's hoping they believe him. But then he hears a knock at the door, and he ready's to start the pretending again.

That he's ok and fine and happy. That he just needed a few days' to himself and it's no big deal. And that empty bottle on his table was already halfway gone when he started to drink it.

He's ready to start faking it again.

But then he opens the door and its not Haley, or Nathan.

It's her.

"Hey" Is as he says. Its been six months and that's all he gets out. Mostly because he thinks saying I love You and I missed You, is just a little too soon.

"My phone doesn't work because I moved." She says it because it's the first thing she thinks.

"Ok.." He says confused.

"I moved, recently actually and I didn't get the chance to tell anyone and-" She rambles on.

She doesn't finish explaining before he's got her wrapped up in one of the tightest hugs she's ever had.

"Hi" He whispers into her hair as he holds her.

"Hi" She says holding on just as tight as he is.

"So you moved?" He asks finally letting go enough to see her face as he asks.

"Yeah, I'm-I moved. I moved home, I'm back." She smiles, because he's smiling, and because this is what she thought what it would be like. Coming home and seeing him and feeling like she never should have left. Like this is it. Him and Her

She's home? As in, she's back for good? That's all he's wanted to hear for the last two years, and he can't believe it. She promised she would love him forever and she meant it.

Well he always meant it too.

"Peyton, I'm so sorry…I-" He starts to apologize then it's her cutting him off.

He has so much he wants to tell her, but before he can he has to say how sorry he is. For saying things he didn't really mean, and ending things the way they did. And for not saving her so she could save him back. Basically for all that's happened in the last six months.

"I missed you so much." She says as she hugs him again. She loves that he thinks he has to say sorry, but really they both do, and they've got to say a lot of other things to. But right now, she doesn't care about any of that.

"I missed you too…" He says as he pulls her inside.

**_ll _**_ Because I miss you love,_

___ I miss you love... _**_ll_**

It's been a two days since she's seen him. They haven't spoken since that day at his place, not so much as phone call.

They obviously both know how the other feels, and they can both guess what the other wants. There was a lot of_ I can't believe your here_ and _I missed You_, but they really didn't talk much before Haley, Nathan, and Brooke (a surprise that everyone was happy about) showed up, apparently not buying the text Luke had sent them. When they see Peyton there with him, it turned into a celebration, a reunion Brooke had said.

But it didn't matter to Lucas or Peyton because when it comes down to it, it's always gonna be there. _Him and Her_.

But it's been two days and neither have them has acted on it.

Because what if they mess it up? And what if their love isn't enough? And what if they cant get back what they had?

Nathan tells Lucas that he's being stupid and is just acting out of fear, and he needs to get his shit together and just man up already.

Brooke (Peyton and her had a really long talk and their friendship is better then ever, so much that Brooke is thinking its time to come home too) and Haley tell Peyton the same thing just with less cursing.

But the truth is, their right. She's scared. She's scared that just maybe, they won't mess it up, and their love is enough, and they can get what they once had or maybe they can have something even better.

She's scared that Someday is finally here.

But, is she ready? Are they? Is it really that simple?

She sitting at home (no job, remember?) and can't take the silence anymore and so she decides she needs a walk.

She's got to clear her mind, and pull out of this funk she's in-she doesn't got a job, but her and Haley have been talking and she thinks it would be really cool if she could start her own label here in Tree Hill. She thinks she's got to push away everything that has her so unsure and confused. (It always comes back to his words doesn't it?)

When she starts to walk she doesn't really focus on the actual walking part, and somehow she ends up at the river court. She's not so sure she would consider that a sign or just absentmindedness, but whatever the case may be, she goes to sit on those old benches just like she always did.

Eventually she tells herself that its getting too cold and too quiet (or really because sitting that has her thinking a lot more then she was at home) and that its time to head back home. But before she goes, she stops just like the first time she step on to this court since she's been back and she walks over to the side where all their names still are.

She thinks about that night, and the way they all were and the things they promised, and she wishes it was all that easy still. She wishes they could've kept their promises to each other and be who they thought they would be.

Or maybe they did and none of them realize it, and the tragic part is maybe it's too late to remember.

She's about to leave when she hears a basketball dribbling towards her from behind.

This time she doesn't hesitate like the last time. They've already said the most important things to each other (just short of I love You) and whatever he's about to tell her she's ready to hear. She thinks.

Nathan told him what happened that first night she was back. About how pissed she got when she thought he was with Brooke. And when he walked up to the court to shoot around (that's the only way he's been able to clear his head) he has to smile when he sees her there.

He thinks she was right with that theory of hers all those years ago.

_People Always Leave._

_But Sometimes they Come Back_.

She's proved it.

And really its that simple, right?

Because when it comes down to it, it's _always_ gonna be there. Him and Her.

"Hey" He says as he stops dribbling the ball and holds it to his hip.

"Hi…I was just-I'll leave you to it." She says as she looks toward the hoop. She should of known she would run into him here.

"No" He says just above a whisper.

"Stay?" He asks as he nods his head towards the benches for her to sit like she used to.

"Ok." She smiles as she goes to take her place.

"Good" He says with a laugh thinking about that last time he visited her in L.A., as he starts to dribble the ball again.

"Good?" She questions.

She knows it's not this easy. So much has happened and it's gonna take a lot for them to fix all their mistakes and choices , but doesn't it always come back to his words?

"Perfect." He finishes as he smiles over to her just before he takes the shot.

He knows it's not that easy, they have so much to work though and it might never be the same. But maybe that's a good thing because things are different now, they don't have what they did before.

Because _finally,_ she's here and he's here. And he doesn't ever want that to change.

_**ll** And I miss you love, I miss you love... ** ll**_

-**_Fin._**

Song: Miss You Love, By: Maria Mena


End file.
